Halfway Through Postpartum…
It has been 6 weeks since I had my daughter. Between the internet and everyone else’s stories of horror, I expected it to go a lot differently than it has. It has for sure flown by, but hasn’t been nearly as stressful as everyone makes it out to be.
I think having had previous experience with newborns, both through family and through my work, that definitely helped my confidence in being a new mother and feeling comfortable in my care of a new baby. But it didn’t take away all the fear that comes with bringing a new baby home.
The first few days of life, my daughter kept trying to choke and die on us. She was very spitty and would spit up but then choke on it, sometimes to where she couldn’t breathe. The very first day we got home, my boyfriend (now fiancé (; ), was in another room while our daughter napped in the bassinet by the couch. I was lying on the couch, right next to her, and decided to close my eyes to try to get a nap in. I thought I heard some movement after I had woken up, and I leaned up to peek into the bassinet.
What did I see? My newborn daughter lying there, silently gagging, with blue lips and a slightly blue face. I flung up from my supine position, grabbed her and pulled her out of that bassinet as fast as I could, probably too fast considering the massive episiotomy I was dealing with, and immediately began trying to unwrap her from her swaddle and patting her back.
After what felt like 5 minutes but had to barely be 20 seconds, she gasped for air and the coloring came back into her lips as she coughed up whatever she was choking on. This was probably the worst case of it that she had, although she did do it a couple more times to my fiancé, scaring him pretty badly.
Both of us were on high alert after that, moving at every noise she made and hoping she wouldn’t silently choke in her sleep while we slept at night. But eventually she stopped being spitty and that issue resolved.
Following that, in the first couple of weeks, the worst issue I had was my daughter’s massively restrictive upper lip tie and cheek ties making breastfeeding extremely painful. I plan to discuss this more in depth in another post, but that was also a learning curve to this whole motherhood thing.
Regardless of those couple of hurdles, my postpartum experience has gone rather smoothly. It helps when you are blessed with a pretty easy going baby. However, here’s a list of things or tips and tricks that I have found extremely helpful to assist in an easy postpartum period.
ONE - A supportive partner. This is one of those that you would say “duh” to, but a lot of people do not have a supportive partner following their pregnancy. That can make things so much harder. It is okay, if you find yourself in a predicament where you do not have the support you imagined. You can still have a good postpartum experience, you may just have to make a point to remind yourself that you can do it, and to keep yourself patient.
Having a good partner to get me water, or do house chores, or take the baby when I need a moment to use the restroom, or shower, or just to not have something relying on me to hold her or feed her or talk to her in that exact moment is SO big. These little things really can make the postpartum period not so overwhelming.
TWO - Putting that baby down during sleep. When my daughter fell asleep in the first few days to weeks, we would often lie her down on the couch next to us, or in her bassinet in the room. Instead of holding her throughout every nap, she got used to sleeping on her own and we had the freedom to eat or do chores or sleep.
THREE - NOT putting the baby down to nap. I might be confusing you now. But once we got further into the first few weeks, if our daughter wasn't wanting to lie on her own, we snuggled her during her naps. This gave her a sense of security and allowed us to take it all in, considering she won’t be little for long. You have to just do what gets you through with your sanity.
FOUR - Those wake windows! And entertaining your baby! Making sure that your baby is still getting good naps throughout the day is important. But during the time that they are awake, really talk to them. Use play mats and other toys to get their attention, but also talk to them and keep them awake between feeds/naps, for only the duration they should be for their age. And if they are staying up longer, or seeming tired earlier, follow their ques.
FIVE - A good morning and nighttime routine. We roughly go to bed at the same time every night, between 8:30 and 9:30. If a bath is due, we bathe. If not, we change clothes into bedtime clothes (a onsie for us because my daughter inherited her father’s extremely high internal body temperature and gets too warm at night). Then we eat, swaddle, and rock to sleep. Just enough that her eyes are closed and she’s on the verge of being in a deep sleep. Then we transfer to the bassinet, which usually wakes her up a bit, and we give paci if needed, and I hold one hand around the chest area for comfort pressure, and the other on her butt with some butt pats.
Putting her down in a state where she is pretty tired and almost asleep but not fully asleep allows for her to provide a little bit of self-soothing as well as she gets comfortable and closes her eyes again to sleep. I stop butt pats as soon as she is quiet and not squirmy. If she starts squirming again, I let her go until she gets comfortable or if she starts crying, I give more butt pats.
Throughout the night, I do very little talking. Just change diaper with some soothing “shhh” noises, feed, and back in swaddle with a little bit of rocking, and then back to bassinet. She usually goes right back to sleep within 5 minutes of rocking.
In the morning, we always start with butt change and lots of “good morning” talking. And if we are going somewhere that day, we generally change clothes into something that are not “bed” clothes. It may mean for more laundry, but it helps her differentiate between bedtime I feel like. And of course, lots of lights and natural lighting to brighten up the day while the nights are dark.
SIX - Lastly, and I feel like this has really helped a lot, do not swaddle your baby during the day. Although I am only at 6 weeks postpartum, and I fully expect the 4 month sleep regression to hit when it comes, my baby has never had her nights and days confused. I honestly believe that this has to do with the wake windows and entertainment during the day, as well as the night time routine listed in point FIVE, but definitely the lack of swaddling during the day. She is awake for her longer periods during the day, and at night, we wake, change diaper, eat, swaddle and sleep. And she only wakes up 2 to 3 times, with 3-5 hour stretches of sleep. This is a game changer for getting enough rest myself and feeling more productive and awake during the day.
Now, will you always feel like you have it together? No. Will you even feel like you enjoyed the initial postpartum time? Maybe not. Not everyone feels comfortable with every age stage. Some people struggle throughout the first few months of newborn to infancy and are happier once their child reaches toddlerhood. Some thrive in the newborn stage, but then feel drained with a toddler. And that is totally okay.
But if there are a few things that helped me, I will gladly share them in order to hopefully help someone else’s postpartum experience go smoothly as well. And even if it doesn’t go smoothly, it doesn’t mean you are a bad mother or you are doing something wrong. And it won’t be forever. You will get through it.
*Emma
